The Choices of Others
by whiteraven1606
Summary: Which half of the colonists on Tarsus IV was Jim part of? Was he chosen as superior or chosen to be sacrificed?


1. Unknown

"Which was he? Chosen to die or to live?"

Ambassador Spock turned from looking at Jim's collection of books and regarded the young Captain. "Why do you wish to know?"

Jim shrugged. "Just wondered."

Spock titled his head as he considered. "Which group were you chosen to be in?"

With a jerk of his head, Jim was glaring at him for 4.2 seconds. Then he cut his gaze left and sighed. "I don't know. When they started to split up the children in my part of the settlement an older woman stepped in front of us. They shoot her and we all ran. I hid where I could see her. They didn't even kill her, they just left her to bleed out and rounded up anyone they could." Jim bit his lip. "I'll never forget her."

Spock approached Jim and sat in the chair across from him. "You remembrance honors her." Clasping his hands, Spock sighed. "Your counterpart did not speak of which group he fell into. It was a struggle for him to speak of that time of his life in any manner."

Jim nodded. "Yeah. I can understand." He rubbed his hands together. "She had brown hair, it was graying in streaks. She wasn't pretty, or remarkable in any way."

Pleased Jim felt safe enough to share, Spock leaned back and listened.

* * *

2. Dead

He had not expected it to take so long for his younger self to ask him advice on the care and handling of James T. Kirk. He watched his counterpart cross and uncross his arms before he interrupted as he tried to explain his problem. "Do you know what has caused the Captain to refuse to speak to anyone?"

"I am uncertain as to the exact cause. His last mission was stressful."

Dragging the details from the Commander of an independent planet refusing to call for help after losing several harvests in succession and ultimately engaging in mass suicide took an effort that he'd not thought he'd ever use on a version of himself.

"Ah." He nodded. "I will convince Jim to allow you entrance into his quarters." Spock wasted no time in opening another channel to Jim's private communicator. "James. You will speak to me or I will inform my younger self of the exact nature of your current difficultly." There was a muffled curse and the sound of fumbling. Spock waited and when Jim appeared on his screen glaring at him it was an effort not to smirk. "James."

"What the fuck do you want?"

Raising an eyebrow, Spock watched Jim knock back a shot of some liquor. "You are causing concern on the part of your crew."

"Someone tattled." Jim blinked and then laughed. "He called you, didn't he?" Jim throw back his head and yelled. "And I told him to leave me alone!"

Spock sighed. "You could explain to him what the difficulty is, Jim. He would listen."

Jim brought his head down to glare. "Oh, now I'm Jim. When you're acting all parental I'm James. Make up your mind, old man."

"It was not your fault."

Jim froze. "What?"

"The decision of that planet's people was not yours. You were not given a choice."

Blinking rapidly, Jim carefully sat down his empty glass and leaned into the video pickup. "I was chosen to die. I shouldn't have even been around to save Earth or meet you. I was the walking dead." He looked down at his hand. "I still am."

Spock coughed to cover the noise from the open channel to his younger self that sounded like something breaking. "You are not defined by a single event in your past. Not Tarsus IV, nor the death of your father. You are James Tiberius Kirk." Spock waited until Jim looked at him. "That is all that is required of you. Please undo the wiring that is keeping anyone from overriding your door and allow Commander Spock entry."

Jim nodded shakily. "Okay. Uh, thanks...for, you know, listening."

Smiling as much as he could allow himself, Spock spread his fingers in the proper salute. "Live long and prosper, my friend." Cutting the channel, Spock flipped the video on for the open channel to his younger self who was bandaging his hand. "You have injured yourself."

Spock glanced up and then focused on securing the bandage. "Indeed. I was startled by the mention of Tarsus IV."

"Indeed." He ignored that the timing was wrong for that, instead he raised his eyebrow. "He will speak to you now."

"He will most likely speak to Doctor McCoy."

"Perhaps not." Spock watched his younger self think about that until his door chimed. Without terminating the connection, his younger self opened his door to allow Captain Kirk entrance. With a quick hit of a button he had his side of the video cut off, so the screen in Commander Spock's quarters went black while his view remained the same. He felt no qualms at watching.

Jim had his arms wrapped around himself. "Sorry. I shouldn't have wired my door."

"Captain, the crew would have allowed you privacy if you had requested it."

With a grin, Jim flopped down onto a chair. "Thought that's what a locked door meant." He waited until Spock had settled into another chair. "I, uh, I should have relinquished command to you, but I didn't want...I couldn't have the crew gossiping about why." He licked his lower lip. "I was on Tarsus IV."

Spock clasped his hands in such a way to hide his new bandage. "That would affect your ability to function during the recent mission."

With a snort, Jim sprawled out in his chair as he relaxed. "Yeah, something like that. This planet just up and decided to die. I...when it happened on Tarsus I wasn't given a choice or a chance to decide for myself. They factored all sorts of variables into the decision. They even told each person why they needed to die. Made them agree that their dying was required." He gazed past Spock's shoulder. "I was to die because I was a delinquent. Too much trouble."

Watching his younger self consider what to do, Spock felt a twinge for every time he'd not given his version of Jim a hug when the man clearly needed it. The younger Spock reached out towards Jim and stopped as Jim sat up abruptly.

"What the hell did you do to your hand?" Jim leaned forward and grabbed up Spock's hand. "I'll call Bones to have him look at it."

* * *

3. Alive

"Have you ever wondered why you are here?"

Spock glanced up from his PADD to make sure that Jim was speaking to the younger Spock and not him. They were playing chess, again. He found watching them play from the outside was even more fascinating than playing against either of them himself.

"I know exactly why I am on this ship, Jim."

Spock felt the urge to roll his eyes, but suppressed it. As Jim rolled his eyes, Spock quirked his eyebrow. His younger self narrowed his eyes at Jim.

"You knew what I meant, Spock. Here as in alive."

"Ah." Spock moved his rook and sat back. "It would appear you have given this question some thought."

Jim shrugged and moved his queen. "Some thought, yeah. I, ah, once..." Jim glanced at him and Spock indicated the younger Spock with his head. Jim turned back to Spock who was studying the board. "I was on Tarsus IV. I was among those chosen to live."

Spock head snapped up and he stared at Jim for 1.8 seconds and then he went back to studying the chess board. In his corner, Spock silently sat down his PADD and readied himself to intervene. His younger self started to reach for a knight before stopping and returning his hand to his lap.

"You find yourself considering why you were chosen for such a fate."

With a sharp nod, Jim tensed up. "I get mad because why pick me instead of someone else? I asked, you know. I asked him why I got to live."

They both blinked at Jim. He watched his other self's hands twitch with the need to reach out.

"Did he give you a satisfactory answer?"

With a snort, Jim pushed himself from his chair and started pacing. "He didn't want anyone saying he'd killed...murdered the son of a hero. Dad saved me twice over and he didn't even have to be alive the second time."

"Living makes you angry?"

"No, not... Just, why me? I was just a child like all the rest, so why pick me to live when at least a couple of the others my age were better. Smarter and less trouble. I should have just died."

As he started to rise, his younger self surged up out of his chair and grabbed Jim by the arm. "No." He pulled Jim forward and hugged him tight as Mother used to do them as a small child. "If you had not lived I would have failed to save Earth." Spock pushed Jim away slightly and shook him for a moment before pulling back in. "Answering your question of 'why' is impossible. It matters not. What is important is that you live."

Spock stood and allowed them another moment before approaching. "Not only that, Jim. We would have lost a very dear friend before he was known to us."

Jim slowly brought his arms up to hug back as Commander Spock held him. Spock flanked Jim and wrapped his thinner arms around them both. Jim's rolling emotions of guilt and shame slid across his skin. Spock met his own eyes over Jim's head. With a small push, Spock backed away from them. He nodded to his younger self.

Spock watched him, even as he spoke to Jim. "You must live your life now as a tribute to those that have been lost. Living is the gift you have been given from their loss. Remember them, but do not live their lives; live yours."

It was close enough to what he would have said that Spock was content. He resettled in his chair and took up his PADD as Jim pointed out to the other Spock that he'd not yet made his move.


End file.
